My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
