They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Drunk is a universal language darling
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
