i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize