How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Shame is for Republicans.
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