you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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