If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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