Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
