my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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