dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
