dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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