i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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