I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
