im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
