I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
