Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
COCAINE IS GR8
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