What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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