You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
