I need to stop coming to work sober
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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