if you like me you must not know who I am
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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