he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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