I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
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Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
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You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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