Say something about gay babies.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
