ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
