12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
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That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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