Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
