The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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