The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
