I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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