Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
