I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize