He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
