Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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