Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
