She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
