so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Success! We fucked roommates!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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