Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
