he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
