I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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