At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
