if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
