Yo dont text me then not text me
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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