So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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