i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
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But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
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Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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