You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
