that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
