i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
