She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He better not be in your backpack
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I deserve this hangover.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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