you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
