if you like me you must not know who I am
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
