haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
