just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize