why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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