I don't usually arrange sex via text message
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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