I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
