how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
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And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
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You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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