Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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