Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
