When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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