Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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