i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
