I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
