Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
