just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
